Warranty? We don’t need no stinking warranty!
Driving a Unicorn: My Life as a Fisker Uber Driver (and Professional FAQ Answerer)
So, I’m out here pulling Uber shifts in my Fisker Ocean, and every single ride follows the exact same script. The passenger slides in, stares at that massive 17.1-inch rotating screen like they’ve just stepped into a UFO, and asks the million-dollar question: “Wait, is this a Tesla?”
I usually give them a smirk and say, “Nope, it’s a Fisker.” Then comes the frantic Googling. I can literally see the reflection in the rearview mirror as they realize the company went bankrupt. Their eyes go wide, and they look at the door handle like they’re worried the car might just dissolve into a pile of recycled ocean plastic right there on the freeway.
“But… What About the Warranty?”
That’s always the next one. They look at me like I’m playing Russian Roulette with a $70,000 SUV. “What do you do if it breaks? Isn’t there, like, zero warranty?”
I just laugh. Warranty? We don’t need no stinking warranty. In the Fisker world, we live on the edge. I tell them that owning an Ocean right now is like owning a rare, high-tech artifact. Sure, Henrik Fisker might have moved on after that legendary legal dust-up where he beat Tesla in court (only to lose to, well, math), but the car is still very much alive.
When they ask how I get it fixed, I point to the true heroes: The Fisker Owners Association (FOA). I tell my passengers that if the car sneezes, I don’t call a dealership—I consult the “High Council” of owners who are basically the Avengers of automotive troubleshooting. These guys have secured the diagnostic tools, the parts, and the cloud servers. We’re basically a secret society now.
Welcome to YouTube University
If the FOA is the government, YouTube is our library. I’ve told more than one passenger that if my window regulator decides to take a permanent vacation, I’m not heading to a mechanic. I’m pulling over, opening a 12-minute video by a guy in his garage named “FiskerFixer88,” and performing open-heart surgery with a screwdriver and a dream.
The funniest part? While they’re worried about me getting a flat tire, the car is actually getting better. I mention that 2.2.3 upgrade from the OV Loop crew, and their brains just melt.
Passenger: “Wait, the company is dead, but you just got a software update that fixed your Spotify connection and now you have an app that allows you to use your phone as a key?”
Me: “Yep. It’s a zombie car that refuses to stay buried.”
The “Limited Edition” Flex
By the end of the ride, they usually go from “I’m scared for your bank account” to “This is the coolest car I’ve ever been in.” There’s something undeniably badass about driving a car that shouldn’t technically work, yet handles like a dream and pops up text messages from my wife perfectly on the dash.
I just tell them: “Look, some people buy Toyotas because they want ‘reliability.’ I bought a Fisker because I wanted a badass 360-mile range, 468-hp bat out of hell luxury SUV built for speed. I just skipped the whole dealer service network part. It’s an electric car, what could go wrong?”